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You think I'd be more excited about this -- which I am -- but, for the past week or so... I don't know how to describe it, but basically the notion of starting from pure scratch has and still does scare me. It feels like I'm a fish out of water, and the water is out of reach. I don't know if I'll flop into the water, or just dry up. I'm socially awkward (points to title). I don't know if I'm shy or...
Anyway, ROTC. Let me put it this way; I'm already isolated due to my shitty grade. I want to be in the program, but for me to be a cadet, I got to have a 2.0gpa. I just got off of suspension, and thus, it will take me forever and a half to build it back up; I'm already about a year and a half behind, which means I know I won't graduate on time, or even the year after, and I'm behind the powercurve. It's one of those feelings like, what am I gonna tell people? How will they view me when I tell them? In short, I can't take the lab, and I'm listed as "special student" which to me says, you can still take the class but you suck -- grade wise. It'll be real apparent come Wednesday, and I'm prepared for whatever questions that may come from my peers. (They're a great bunch from what I can tell.)
However, I'm not gonna let that stop me. I've sat out a whole year; I'm not gonna have some numbers bring me down. It's a new year, and I can start fresh. I've already planned out what I'm gonna do on Wednesdays; wear something nice/casusal to compensate for lack of uniform. Hell, it's the only feasible option.
Muse wise; I've been good with Patrick and he has to me. In the course of 2 days, I've basically got a chapter writ down and the majority typed in the span of about... 2 or 3 days. I've been working at a snail's pace for so long (I blame the bouts of depression), it's like a flood gate. I've also solved some of the things I've left wide open. While drinking hot chocolate. I'm convinced that the frappu distracts me because it is that delicious. Help me if I get the Venti.
- Mood:
gloomy - Music:Lost - Gorilla Zoe ft. Lil Wayne
a) procrastinating
b) had to find the right icon for this -- it's rare to find Rowen mid-transform (or any of the ronins for that matter but it's so rare to see him. He's already in armor when he arrives on the scene or gets skipped D:)
c) I think his sequence is the best. ♥
Anyway...
I've been having some strange dreams lately. I mean, I do have a twinge of them every night or so, but by far... I've been having fights with Patrick, my muse. Not fist fights (I'd win anyway), but like he would literally wake me up in the middle of the night with an idea. Of course, he'd bug and bug me until I either gave in and write something down or just ignore him. But if I ignore him, he gets pissed off or gets even.
I think he got even last night.
For the past couple of nights, I would just pass out for no reason -- actually around this time, which is why I am sitting up -- for about two hours and I wake up feeling groggy. I can either go back to sleep or do something else. In this case I went to sleep around... 10, and woke up at 1, and went (tried) back... I think I stared at my clock for about an hour. It was really bad around 4-5. Eventually I did return to slumber, but it got strange.
So, I've been thinking about the next set of stories I want to write, which involves zombies and androids. Don't ask me how is that working out, because for the most part, if I start on it now -- drafting ideas -- Epsilon will probably be on the backburner and that would be bad. It will work though. Anyway, I've came up with 2 non-human and main characters that aren't infected by this virus that turns everything into zombies, or anything that is capable of cognitive thought or intelligence. Yes, even non-living things such as machines and stuff.
Hence, Echo Madrugada (female) and Twilight Song (male), both androids.
Yes, you heard me.
...what do you mean, I'm a crock?!
Ah, whatever...
- Mood:
irritated - Music:I Hope That I - Ame
I've discovered the wonders of Dr. McNinja. Let's just say it's on my to read webcomic list. And there's like... 4.
I figured out how to use any IM service. It's just a firewall thing. *shrug*
More later when I regain my coherency.
...also, I'm missing two trooper icons. And I have two slots left. Although, it's tempting to get another Touma one, because he has the best D: face out of everyone that I've seen.
