So, I'm back in school.

You think I'd be more excited about this -- which I am -- but, for the past week or so... I don't know how to describe it, but basically the notion of starting from pure scratch has and still does scare me. It feels like I'm a fish out of water, and the water is out of reach. I don't know if I'll flop into the water, or just dry up. I'm socially awkward (points to title). I don't know if I'm shy or...

Anyway, ROTC. Let me put it this way; I'm already isolated due to my shitty grade. I want to be in the program, but for me to be a cadet, I got to have a 2.0gpa. I just got off of suspension, and thus, it will take me forever and a half to build it back up; I'm already about a year and a half behind, which means I know I won't graduate on time, or even the year after, and I'm behind the powercurve. It's one of those feelings like, what am I gonna tell people? How will they view me when I tell them? In short, I can't take the lab, and I'm listed as "special student" which to me says, you can still take the class but you suck  -- grade wise. It'll be real apparent come Wednesday, and I'm prepared for whatever questions that may come from my peers. (They're a great bunch from what I can tell.)

However, I'm not gonna let that stop me. I've sat out a whole year; I'm not gonna have some numbers bring me down. It's a new year, and I can start fresh. I've already planned out what I'm gonna do on Wednesdays; wear something nice/casusal to compensate for lack of uniform. Hell, it's the only feasible option.

Muse wise; I've been good with Patrick and he has to me. In the course of 2 days, I've basically got a chapter writ down and the majority typed in the span of about... 2 or 3 days. I've been working at a snail's pace for so long (I blame the bouts of depression), it's like a flood gate. I've also solved some of the things I've left wide open. While drinking hot chocolate. I'm convinced that the frappu distracts me because it is that delicious. Help me if I get the Venti.

It sucks.

It sucks that I'm out of school; at least for another 2ish months. It sucks that I'm 30miles away from everyone I know; it's been pretty much a year since I've seen everyone. And even when I'm back, I still feel isolated because I live so far away. I can't stick around that long because it takes a while to get to and fro. I have to choose what I have to do to spend time with someone. Therefore, I really don't have a social life. Who's to say that people will remember me if they see me? Sure, I can meet new people, but... it's not like I don't trust people, I'm just introverted.

People often describe me as a quiet person. Even my teachers in high school were amazed on how quiet I was. Of course, my parents call bullshit on that because... well, of course they know me. Besides, I'm talkative around the right people. But other than that, I'm just quiet. I'm the person that's in the back of the class and observes, to be honest. (And I actually sit in the middle of the bus instead of the back like I used to.) I'm just awkward. (Hence the name). Hopefully, next fall, I'll be on campus, and hopefully in one of the new dorms. At least we all have seperate bedrooms...

Ok, I think I got that off of my chest.